just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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