My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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