I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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