ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize