it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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