dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
