Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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