I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
