I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
