we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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