tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
