Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
