We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
