I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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