he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
