Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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