he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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