You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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