Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just pee around me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize