Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
