So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
