just come out here and I will go home with you...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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