i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
