After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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