ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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