hell yes lets make some ravioli
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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