so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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