you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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