This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
