operation harelip BJ is a go
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
