I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
