She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
