Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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