youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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