Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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