i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it