Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole