I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
