This is not my ceiling
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
