4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
