Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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