If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So many bounce houses so little time
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.