I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.