Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same