I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house