in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dating After Heartbreak
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl