1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
