If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"