Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
