How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
