You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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