She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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