Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
