She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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