what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
