it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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