She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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