You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
