if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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