That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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