So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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