he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog