i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
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You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
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Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....