The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks