bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket