I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
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Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.