she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
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Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.