Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.