he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
