I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
