I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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