Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
