also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize