Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
